It’s been a relief to discover that one, two, three forms can exist in the same body, in ways that otherwise seem impossible. A lot of the time these selves can appear to contradict one another, creating discord and dissonance—but once I realized that seemingly conflicting things can actually coexist in beautifully unexpected ways, it became a lot less of a problem and more of a fascination. The unpredicted were points of play. Entropic jazz.
In considering jazz, I turned to the piano—an instrument I’m very familiar with from classical training in childhood. I know very little about jazz, but from a starting point of curiosity, I taught myself the basics of chord extensions, common in jazz and blues.
Chord extensions start with a standard three-note chord (a “triad”) and add additional notes on top, in consecutive thirds—adding increasing complexity to an otherwise simple chord. I discovered, if you play a chord in its highest extension (adding more and more notes until you reach “the 13th”—beyond which the same notes get repeated in higher octaves), you arrive at a point where you are playing every note within an octave’s scale at the same time.
Somehow, this was mind-blowing to me—that it was possible to play every note in a scale simultaneously. And instead of chaos, as though smashing your hand against the keyboard, you get a stunningly rich chord—peering over the edge and yearning for resolution. In my childhood, such a possibility would have been disastrous and absolutely unacceptable. I was accustomed to a specific idea of what sounds were “good” or “harmonious,” and the precise combinations needed to create them.
So, this became rich and unfound territory. I found myself wondering about accidentals and in-betweens—what else was “good” in ways I had never experienced? What else was possible?
When two unexpected things are placed next to one another—when dissonance and clashing adds to the vocabulary rather than gets barred from it—the possible permutations become limitless. It makes way for interesting juxtapositions, unusual combinations, and much more complexity and nuance.
I am approaching my life, and the worlds and relationships I enter, in much the same way: as an exercise of possibility, relativity, and adaptability.